Many of you followed my 7 part, VERY abridged story of some personal things I've gone through. I wanted to just say that obviously, Travis and I didn't get married, live happily ever after, and my life is just roses now! LOL My life is blessed so abundantly, but it is not without trials. Everyone has trials, whether you see them from the outside or not. The biggest difference from where I was to where I am at is the choice I am making to TRY to stay within God's will for my life. It just makes things easier.
I am by no means anywhere close to perfect. I mess up. Daily! But, I am forgiven. So many people don't realize that this whole Christianity thing is about relationships. It is not just a big huge book of rules that we try to live by. Okay, so there ARE rules in the bible. However, there are also promises, parables, advice, comfort, encouragement and LOVE! I recently read a book called The Shack by William P. Young. I would urge you to read it. It could really change your outlook on your relationship with God. http://theshackbook.com/
I still get discouraged. I trip and fall and I sin. But, I am learning to lean on God more and more and less on myself and the ways of this world and it is making all the difference in my life! I spent too many years trying to do it on my own. This life is just too hard. While there is joy to be found here on Earth, there is so much heartache, as well. Time is so quickly fleeting. Remember the relationships in your life. When it is all said and done, that is what matters most. And the most important relationship is the one you have with your creator! He's left the ball in your court. Because that's how much he loves you; He wants you to come to Him. Keep in mind that we are just passing through here on our way home. I hope to see you all there someday!
Love,
Christin Leigh
Thank you soooo much for sharing your story. You give a lot of hope to single mothers like myself!!
ReplyDeleteAnd I have a question too. What do you tell your children about the divorce? I've been brutally honest with my boys about it and on one hand I feel terrible about it wanting to shield them from the harsh realities of it, but on the other hand I want them to know it had nothing to do with them and that they could not have stopped it since they were only 1 & newborn. I tell them the truth that their dad had an affair with Valerie and he choose to get divorced. Even at 1 Andrew was devastated his dad went from coming home to him every night to us living by ourselves. I watched his writhe in emotional pain for years. And poor baby Ethan was so sick the first couple of years in a way Andrew never was and I know it was from the stress he little body was under. I don't really know where the line is at TMI and need to know.
ReplyDeleteKassady, there is nothing worse as a mother. Nothing worse than your child being in pain - be it physical or emotional - and being helpless to stop it. I am not a proponent of divorce if it can be helped and I think ther are MANY instances where it can be helped. I stand firm in the belief that I did the right thing when I left. (And, I admit that I'm the one who left.) But, leaving BEFORE my son was born saved him from so much hurt.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question, as if I actually KNOW an answer... I think (I stress the work think, because this is all trial and error for me!) that it is all on an age-based time table. I've tried my very very best to shield my kids and to not say negative things about their biological father. I know I've slipped here and there but I have TRULY TRIED. But, talking about divorce without making it seem okay is so hard. My oldest is 11 and just this year we had a very candid conversation and I just told her how very young her dad and I were and that we weren't listening to God and weren't ready to be married. It's easy to show her the difference in mine and my husband's relationship in comparison to mine and my ex-husband's. I explained to her the ways we weren't compatible and the ways that her life would have been harder had we stayed together (told her how we used to fight and yell at each other.) She's old enough now to see for herself the differences in our personalities and it makes sense to her on that level.
She adores her father. He has been on a pedastool her whole life. Which has been hard for me at times, since he's never had to do the "dirty work." He has always just been the fun one who plays on the weekends and buys cool stuff. However, I know I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't trade places for anything. I know I can't really say, "Your dad did this and this and this, bla, bla, bla..." She would just hate ME for saying that. But,I've used our divorce as a tool to show her that it's hurtful! (She knows better than anyone.) and a tool to teach her that if we STAY in God's will and marry the person who is right for us, when we are old enough, then it makes the chances better that we won't get divorced.
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ReplyDeleteI know your situation is different. Adultery is definitely one of God's "outs" as far as marriage. I think within age appropriate conversations, you just have to be open about your own mistakes. And, you have to be frank about how the world will hurt you and people will hurt you - even people who we love and people who are SUPPOSED to always have our best interests at heart. Because you just can't always rely on humans. Use that hurt to point to God and let your kids know that they CAN ALWAYS depend on him, even when people hurt them. And yours and Brian's relationship (so much like my own with my husband) is a portrayal of how even though God sometimes allows us to walk through heartache in life, He always can turn any situation into something beautiful that works for HIS glory.
Although my kids have suffered, I look at their relationship with their "new" dad and the way he loves them as if they were always his and the way God has used him to repair things in my little girl's heart I thought were irrepairable (Is that a word?? lol!), and I wondered if there was anything that could have painted a better picture to them of God's love? Lucky kids. I think we just have to pull from real life, be open about our own shortcomings, and be insightful about what our kids are ready to hear and what they aren't. I was scared to tell Sis that she was conceived out of wedlock. Even though she doesn't totally grasp the whole picture of how that all happens. ;) (YET!) I just didn't want to dispell her innocent picture of Mommy and Daddy loved each other and got married, then made a baby. But, I also want her to be mindful and not make my mistakes. Not that I would EVER call her a mistake. But, I don't want her to have the heart break we all went through. And, when she makes statements like: "I'm going to go to college THEN have kids." Or "I'm going to find someone to marry who I have common interests with." I know I'm doing SOMETHING right SOMEWHERE. And, that's the bottom line, girl! We're all out here winging it as parents. No one has all the answers. But, the fact that you are insightful and TRYING will take you most of the way... Just let God pick up the slack! ;)
Sorry I'm so "long winded."