I just am really overwhelmed right now and I needed to write it down!!
There are two main things that I really wanted for my life. Some people want huge houses, great monetary success, prestige, fame.... Maybe those were things I thought about a LOT of years ago. But, starting at about 19 years old, I had two things that if I were to have them, I knew would make me feel like my life was complete, successful in MY eyes and that I'd not be able to ask for more!
One was to be in a marriage to someone who treated me like an equal, respected me, understood me, loved me for ME, and most importantly adored and cherished me. The other was to be able to stay at home with my kids and not have to work outside the home.
It dawned on me today: HELLO!!! I'VE GOT IT ALL!!! My husband is amazing and treats me the same (40 lbs and dozens more stretchmarks later) as he did when we first were together... better, actually. He's everything I could have ever asked for.
And, I'm at home with my kids. My youngest will be 3 in December. I haven't missed a beat. I've been there for almost every diaper, meal, first, last, boo-boo, and milestone along the way. I'm here when my kids step off the bus every day. I'm here all Summer with them.
None of it came about the way I would have planned it. It unfolded so very slowly and meticulously that it was hard to even see the totality of it until I look back on it. Sometimes we ask God for things and we want to snap our fingers and see it. God knows so much more than we do and he knows how to work things out perfectly in our lives. Getting to this point, for me, was NOT painless. There were bumps along the way. But, had there not been, I would not have the appreciation I have for it all now.
I feel very humbled right now and in some respects very ungrateful. How could I EVER complain about ANYTHING? How could I get discouraged or down in the dumps?? At 30 God has given me, already, the two main things I wanted out of life. He took the two most important things to me on this earth - Love and motherhood - and entwined them in to this perfect culmination of things in my life. Everything else is just details, right? Low on funds one month? Who cares!!! I have a beautiful family and everything I could ever want that really matters! I am blessed absolutely beyond measure. God should ground me from the internet if I EVER complain again!! ;-)
You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
LORD my God, I will praise you forever. -Psalms 30:11-12