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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Diets and Dog Poo - Foodaholics Anonymous?

So... a recovering alcoholic would never be expected to serve cocktails to their family, right?  As I melted the beautiful Velveeta and Rotel for nachos for my family it really sunk in that I am addicted to food - BIG TIME!  Food is my drug.  I stirred the thick, creamy, cheesy, glorious mess  and I looked at the big bag of crunchy, salty tortilla chips (one of my most favorites, by-the-way!!!) and then I looked at my small piece of grilled fish and I just wanted to quit!!!  And, usually I would have.  I would have said to myself, "Oh, well.  Just eat nachos tonight.  You can start over tomorrow!"  And in full binge mode (because, after all, if you are going to mess up, you might as well do it up BIG!) I would have gorged myself with nachos, had some sweet tea, and followed up with some of those evil cake balls that are still in the fridge!  (Could someone finish those off already???)
I knew that I loved food.  But, doing this diet is showing me just how unhealthy my relationship with food really is!  I have yet to be truly, physically hungry!  But, mentally is a different story.  I want to eat just for the sheer joy of eating.  It's ridiculous the number of times a day I think about eating!  And, finally it is sinking in - even though I've known it all along on some level - I can't eat like this anymore!  I'm on a diet, but I can't have the mentality that "after this" I can eat again!  I can't eat popcorn every night.  I can't give in to temptation every single time it jumps in front of me.  I can't have a cake ball anytime I want to and drink pop several times a week.  Some people can.  But, obviously my body doesn't work that way!  I think I should be able to indulge every so often, sure!  But, I'm going to have to be careful for the rest of my life!  Just like an alcoholic has to be careful!  I am truly addicted to eating.  So, maybe eventually, after I detox my body from the sugar and processed foods and empty carbs, I will be able to have a delicious treat now and then and not totally fall back in to my old patterns.  I've got to realize that food is fuel and my body is a temple.
I stirred that creamy yellow deliciousness and I did have a little tiny taste of it.  But, I did not grab the tortilla chips and dig in!  I ate my fish and my salad.  And I actually splurged on some broccoli with a tiny bit of that cheese on it.  (You know you are on a crazy, strict diet when broccoli is cheating!!!)  And, it was so hard to resist.  But, I did it!!!  And, God help me (literally, God is going to have to help me!!), I will beat this and I will lose this weight and feel good about myself again!
Motivation for today:  I got on the scales this morning and and there was a 5 pound loss from yesterday morning!  I'm sure a lot of that was water weight, but still... WOW!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Diets and Dog Poo - I Kinda Want a Cake Ball

So, I am doing the Homeopathic HcG diet via Kessinger Diagnostic Centre out of Rolla, MO.  A friend of mine had really great results and told me about it.  The first three days of this diet are great!  You take the drops four times a day and PIG OUT for 3 days straight.  It worked perfectly with Christmas!  I started on Christmas Eve.  The only thing was:  the drops really do suppress your appetite!  I actually found it hard to overeat!
Now, though, the fun is over.  It is day one of the drastic diet that includes only 500 calories a day!  Yes, that sounds insane, but the research kind of makes sense.  (  Anyway, this morning was okay.  I didn't eat breakfast, which is fine with me because I'm not a big breakfast eater.  I had my two cups of coffee sweetened with Stevia, which I found to be pretty good!  Mid-morning I had an apple and it was actually hard for me to finish the whole thing!  Crazy! Because I am a notorious binger!!  I tried to get through the whole thing and finally quit about 3/4 of the way through.  However, as lunch approached I did get hungry.  And, while I was cooking my tiny chicken breast, I opened the fridge to get the lettuce out and there they were....
German Chocolate cake balls!  Mmmmm.  Nice and cold, too.  Do you know what a cake ball is?  You bake a cake, crumble it up, mix icing with it, roll it in to balls, and dip the balls of cake/icing in to confectioners chocolate and let them harden.  Oh. My. Goodness!  They are good.  And, I really, really wanted one!
However, I got out my lettuce instead.  I had my lunch of dry (cooked it too long!) sparsely seasoned chicken breast and salad (Not with ranch and cheese and croutons.  No.  Not that kind of salad.)  I'm not going to tell you it was awesome and I'm totally satisfied.  But, I think I can face the cake balls now.  After all, I am bigger than they are... MUCH, MUCH, MUCH bigger!  Which is kind of the whole point of this!  HA!!

Diets and Dog Poo - Introduction

This is my latest blog sequence about two seemingly unrelated issues in my life... My new diet and bringing our 10 month old lab to live inside...  It should be interesting.

Ruth.  Ruth is our Labrador Retriever.  (My dad has her sister, "Babe.")  I felt like a lab was a good choice.  They are super smart and great with kids - very social animals.  What I didn't know is that they are virtually unfenceable!  (I made that word up.)  She could not be contained with an electric fence.  When in my small fenced in daycare play area, she dug out from underneath finally and then dug in to the neighbor's yard to play with their dogs.  So, for weeks she's been in a little kennel built for hunting hounds.  I hate the idea of her being out there all alone, so the obvious solution is to bring her inside, right?  This should be interesting....

Dieting... again.  So... since High School I have gained about 70 lbs.  It's so hard to say that out loud.  I have a really bad relationship with food and have put myself on the back burner for years.  And, over and over again I have set out to lose the weight only to quit a few days in, vowing to start over Monday... and then Tuesday always comes around and... you get the picture.  This time I'm trying the HcG diet.  (The homeopathic drops)  I thought this diet was CRAZY!  I was like, "Sure you lose weight if you're eating around 500 calories a day.  That's ridiculous!"  But, the more I've researched the way it's supposed to work the more it makes sense to me.  So, I'm trying it.  And, to those of you nay sayers who say that it is unhealthy.  You could be right.  However, it can't possibly be more unhealthy than my current lifestyle.  And, this isn't just about a diet.  It's about breaking bad habits and starting a brand new way of life for me!

And that's how the two very unrelated subjects tie in together.  I am making some changes in my life.  Starting some new "good for me" things.  I'm taking a little more time for me.  And, apparently a little more time for Ruth, too.  Hopefully this goes well for both of us!  All I have to say, though, is that big ol' Labs leave much bigger presents than little lap dogs.  Whew.  That's a story for the next installment of.... dun, dun, duuuh.... DIETS AND DOG POO! 

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Someday (A poem)

Photo Courtesy of: Mecie Gauntt Photography

Someday we'll be old,
And won't these days seem grand?
Someday I'll be feeble,
But I know you'll hold my hand.
Someday we'll get old -
Our bones will barely walk.
Someday our house will be quiet,
And, of these times we'll talk!
Someday we'll be old,
But I'll remember this.
Remember loud and busy times.
Remember many a sticky kiss.
Remember messy bedrooms,
And shoes in the floor.
Remember little running feet,
And crayon marks on the door.
Someday our bed will be so big
without a little one in between.
Someday we'll wish they were here -
The house will be clean.
Someday you'll be gone.
And someday so will I.
And someday will be here...
In the blink of an eye.

By: Christin Bolinger
December 16, 2010

(I had this picture and the poem put on a canvas for my hubby for Christmas.)  *Please respect that this is an original poem*

Sunday, December 12, 2010

It is finished...

*deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath* Ahhhhhhhhh.  I am bordering on GIDDY!  3 years after I started back to school full time (including Summers!) and I am finally finished.  I know it's been 12+ years since I first started my college career, but I am pretty darn proud of myself for doing this.  I started in January, 2008.  At this point I had a full time job, 2 children, and had been married for a little less than a year to my husband.  At the end of my first semester, I found out I was pregnant.  We had planned to have another child, but AFTER I was finished with school.  We were living in a 2 bedroom trailer at the time because it was on his family's "farm" and we weren't having to pay any rent.  So... the plan was for me to finish school, us to buy a house, and then add to our family.  (My first two children were from a previous marriage.)  So, our little surprise didn't really fit in to the plan.  Especially since I had waited to start back to school full time until my children were a little older.  Now I was going to have a newborn!  I was not going to quit, though!  So, I pushed through, and thank God my last class was online that Fall because I was put on bed rest.  My sweet baby girl had to be induced 3 weeks early due to my extremely high blood pressure (pretty standard for my pregnancies).  This was a blessing in disguise because my classes started back just  a few days after her original due date.  So, with a 3 week old newborn at home I went to my first evening class, leaving her with Daddy and my mother-in-law.  I told my husband that there was no possible way I could work full time, go to school full time, and have a newborn.  We decided either school or work had to go and we also decided that me finishing school was more important.  So, after a lot of tears (I happened to love my job and had worked pretty hard to get to the position I was in there) I made the decision to leave my job and after a few months we decided we had outgrown our little trailer.  (We had actually about outgrown it before the baby came!!)  So, God intervened again and allowed us to buy my former boss's house, which was right next door to my brother-in-law.  The price was right and the location was perfect.  Also, little did I know, the set up of the house was perfect for the home daycare I was opening!  We just couldn't afford a house without 2 incomes, so my solution to staying at home with the baby so I could still go to school was to work at home.  (See my other blog: Chronicles of a Happy, Blessed Mess)  This proved to me a much larger undertaking than I imagined, but very rewarding.  While I did get to stay at home with my kids FINALLY (it was huge dream of mine!), I sure didn't have any extra time for homework!  With between 4 and 7 kids at the house there is not time for homework and I put in a good 10-12 hour day most days.  I actually could have graduated in May of this year had I really loaded myself down in the spring and taken one more class in the Summer.  Instead, I decided to give myself a break, take the Summer off and finish out in the Fall.  This last semester has proven to be the largest workload and most stressful of all!!  I had told myself that December was my goal for graduation, weight loss and some life changes I needed to make.  However, I caved under all the stress and none of those other things were accomplished.  And, actually, under all the stress, I completely forgot to apply for graduation in time!  So.... I just think God granted me an extension on my goals.  I will graduate officially in May.

So.  Now that I can breathe deeply again for what seems like the first time in almost 3 years, I feel like I'll have plenty of energy to spend on my poor house, my poor family, and my poor body until May!!  I am thinking of a 19 year old girl. I allude to her a lot in my blogs because she is so much a part of me!  She had to quit school, move away from all her friends, live in a college town with old classmates saying bad things about her behind her back (which got back to her, as those things usually do!) while they went on with their lives in college, doing what normal 19-20 year olds do.  She thought in the back of her mind that she might not ever finish school.  (You see, she was pretty beat down and had lost a lot of self esteem)  She started growing up and she spent all her time on her babies and became a single mom and there was never time for her and there was never time for school.  But, now, this 30 year old is looking back at her and smiling.  And, I'd just like to say, "Hey, girl!  Look at us.  We made it, you and me.  I always knew we could.  Let's see what next!"

;-)  *tear*  (but, it's a happy one!)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Christmas card 2 2010

Lovingly Wrapped American Lung Association Holiday 5x7 folded card
Christmas cards and holiday thank you cards by Shutterfly.
View the entire collection of cards.

Friday, December 3, 2010

He takes my breath away...

Noticed it when we were dating. I found myself literally unable to catch my breath at times. I felt silly having to pull away from him and take a deep breath in the middle of a passionate kiss. To this day, after years, it's still hard to breathe through that first embrace or kiss...

But, give a little while in his arms, and I'm breathing easier than ever. Relaxed, safe, embraced - home... *Sigh*