Diets and Dog Poo - Hello, my name is Christin and I am a foodaholic...

There, I said it.  I quit HcG totally.  I quit everything again.  I fell off the wagon and I pigged out and it was glorious... until after.  As always.  I feel like I am battling a heroin addiction.  To some of you that will make sense.  To some of you, you will just think I am a fat, lazy, glutton.  And, that's fine.  But, I'm realizing that this is a true addiction.  All kidding aside.  And, I'm realizing I started this at a point in time in my life when things were very scary and out of control for me.  I used food to comfort myself.  I used food as a temporary high when everything else in my life seemed to be falling apart.  After that, as a single mom living on my own, supporting two children I had food stamps.  It wasn't something I was proud of, but I had to do it.  And, there was no extra money for anything!  No new clothes for me, not much of anything for the kids, and not a lot left over for entertainment.  It was all I could do to make ends meet.  But, I had that little blue card and we could go buy whatever we wanted to eat!  Food became my entertainment and one of the few things in my life I felt like I could control.  Maybe I couldn't buy my kids toys or brand new fancy outfits, but I could get them whatever special cereal they wanted and we could get ice cream and frozen pizzas every Friday night! And, it just stuck with me all these years.  Food is my vice.  So, I am NOT dieting anymore.  I am going to set small goals and I am going to conquer this just like I would a heroin addiction.  And, I'm not going to beat myself up for "falling off the wagon."  My goals right now are to: 1. Go to bed earlier. 2. Get up and work out every morning. 3. To try to eat smaller portions. 4. To add more whole foods to my diet like fruits and veggies.  Once I master those, I will move on to add more healthy things in to my life.
The other day I heated up some left over pizza.  I realized that I wasn't really hungry, I just really wanted the pizza.  It took a lot, but I took the pizza out of the microwave and I threw it in the trash.  Not a big deal for some people.  But, for me, it was the equivalent of an alcoholic pouring a bottle of booze down the drain.  And, I was proud of me!  It was a small step.  But, a step none-the-less!