So many of us have that imaginary list of priorities in our mind. In my mind it is a picture of a piece of notebook paper with a neatly typed, (don't ask me why it is TYPED on notebook paper....) and numbered list. It is an idealistic thing in my mind. Of course, God is #1, then my family, then.... But, this last couple of weeks I've taken a good, hard, painful look at what my list REALLY says - in real life. Because in my head, things are always ideal (I.E. the picture of ME in my head is of a slim 18 year old I used to know!) I've come to realize that God is nowhere near the top of my list. And, really, neither is my family. Sure, I love them the most, but do I show them that the most? I mean, if I'm real with myself, my computer and housework has been coming before my family and God. Sure, the housework I do is for my family, in part, but how many times a day to I tell my children, "Just a minute." And, do I ever truly go back and take that minute to be truly present with them? Not nearly enough. It makes me choke up just thinking about it. I've come to realize that even my bestie comes before God, truly. If I have a complaint, a worry, a praise, a joyous thought, a funny notion - I call or text her. I don't go talk to God about it first. I don't take the quiet moments often enough to listen to what His spirit is telling me.
This morning I went and laid in my almost 10 year old daughter's bed as she was waking up. I held her in my arms and it took everything I had in me not to just start bawling my eyes out. When did she quit crawling in to my bed at night and my lap to be rocked and read to. When did that happen??? I missed it. Truly, life is just busy and there is no way around the fact that I have to do laundry and cook and clean. But, I know in my heart, my idealistic list of priorities needs to be made more than just an ideal...
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