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Thursday, August 20, 2015

Firsts and Lasts

I can't even today, on the first day of school. My oldest started high school today and she wanted to ride with her cousin to school. I completely get that! The first day of high school is scary, & I remember wanting to be there the exact same time my best friend got there so we wouldn't be alone. So, I had to put my mommy feelings aside and tell her sure! But later, I began to think about it and realized that she will be driving next year so I will probably never take her to the first day of school again. Last year was the last time I would drop her off at school on her first day, & I had no idea! Feels so unfair. My son started Middle School today and he asked me to walk him into the building. My oldest did the same thing when she started middle school and it really kind of shocks me that they still wanted me to walk them in. Of course, I did so gladly. But, with a heavy heart, because I know it will be the last time he asks me to walk him into school. This parenting gig is so hard. On one hand, you have to feel happy and proud of your accomplishments in raising your children and seeing them grow and flourish. But, on the other hand, it hurts so dang bad to let them go! No one can prepare you for that. I know that these next four years with my oldest will absolutely fly by. I am NOT ready for her to leave me, & I guess you can never be ready for them to leave you. I just hope that I can savor every moment from here on out. And, I hope I don't miss any more last times. We think about all those last times when they're little, but what about the last time they wake up at your house in the morning and tell you a crazy dream they had? What about the last time you sit on the bed and listen to your daughter chat on and on because she's nervous for school that day?  What about the last time my son comes and sits by me to twirl my hair?  it's excruciating to think about not having my babies under my roof.  But, I guess I'll survive.  Just like billions of parents before me.