I remember rubbing my chin lightly against their silky new hair, and smelling the sweet smell on their heads that was completely unique to them. Some of the most peaceful, contented moments of my life have been spent in a rocking chair, holding a baby on my chest who was completely pacified by my milk and the comfort of their ear against the deep echo of the heartbeat in my chest.
The realization that my son's head soon will not fit under my chin and, that my oldest daughter's already does not, brought that brief wave of sadness that almost every mother feels when we think of how quickly it all goes by. It becomes harder and harder to make everything right in their worlds. Now, it takes more than filling their bellies, swaddling, and holding them close. As we head nearer and nearer adulthood, my role of mother begins the slow, painful shift towards watching and advising instead of holding and fixing it for them.
It is a hard shift. And, it was swift!! My "baby" is 5 now. I often just stop and think, how did this happen so fast? But, every time I start to feel like time is a thief, I remind myself how blessed I am. I think of how many parents have lost their children and would give anything to watch their child outgrow the space beneath their chin. So, as I brace myself for that fated day when my son will rest his chin on my head, I remind myself to count my blessings instead of mourning what has passed.
And. I hold fast to the hope that I'll be grandma someday and I'll once again tuck sweet baby heads under my chin! :)