She has been really prone to getting sick her whole life. She got strep throat at 4 months old, then had it between 8 and 10 (confirmed) times in the next year. Along with about as many ear infections, RSV, Pneumonia, and a few upper respiratory issues. Her first year and a half was exhausting for all of us. But, we soon realized that she had a milk allergy and we took her to an Ear Nose and Throat Specialist. (Dr. Tracey Childers has performed 3 different surgeries for our family and we LOVE her! She is very devoted to her patients and caring!) She had tubes put in and we got her on some allergy meds and things improved quite a bit! However, she still got sick a lot more than our other two ever had. There have been numerous times she's woken up, after acting absolutely fine the day before, with a HIGH fever. With no explanation. (I'm talking 104-105 degrees, high) The last time it happened (she is 2 and a half now), I finally told her Doctor that I am concerned about her immune system.
He looked back over her chart and told me my concerns were valid, but that she seemed like a healthy child. Her skin looks good, her eyes are bright, etc. But, being a VERY thorough doctor, he ordered a battery of tests to be done to make sure her immune system was doing its job. We were really concerned, until a week or so later the office called us to tell us that everything looked normal. Whew!! I knew her tests had to be sent out to a different lab so there was a possibility they may not all be in, but we were relieved anyway.
That's why when they called us that morning to tell us there were some abnormalities, it was like being blindsided. Our Doctor tells us not to worry and that he just wants to have the specialist check it out to see what he thinks. But, we have no idea what exactly the doctor is checking for. We don't know what the test results mean with regard to OUR daughter. Of course, I've googled. And, that's usually a bad idea, because you start seeing the "C" word (cancer) and other awful things that are the stuff of every parent's nightmares. And, I just can't go there.
But, what about all those people who are forced to "go there?" Who are faced with gut wrenching news about their child? Who lose a child? Who daily face losing a child?? Who go through awful months, or even years worth of watching their child battle severe illnesses, with no way to "make it better." My heart goes out to those parents, because I cannot imagine it and I hope I NEVER have to live it.
So, while we wait for our appointment, I battle in my heart over the right words to send up to God. Of course, I've had my cry, praying over her, begging God to just make her okay and to not make me have to deal with any of the aforementioned tragedies. But, ironically, I've found myself thanking Him more than anything. No matter what, I'm thankful for the gift of my three beautiful children and the 11+ years he has given me as their Mother. I'm never guaranteed tomorrow. I thought about the 2 episodes I had with my baby girl where I thought I was losing her while I was pregnant and how fervently I prayed for God to let me keep her and He did. He didn't give me a number. He didn't tell me how long I got to keep her - or any of my babies. My, as every parent's, hope, is that they will all three put me in the ground at a ripe, old age. But, bottom line is this: They aren't mine. They are HIS. And, he loves them so much more than I do, although I just can't fathom that. So, all I can do is offer my little red-head up to Him and know that He will take care of her and I can only be thankful for every blessed day He gives me with her.
And, next year, when my oldest starts middle school and I have to drop her off in that same spot where my baby sister was shot, all I can do is wrap her in a prayer and know that she is His. And when they start to drive, and date, and go to college....... You get the picture. It's all scary stuff. This world is scary! Luckily, this world isn't where my treasures are. And, my kids are the greatest treasures I could possibly store up in Heaven. So, that's what my focus has to be! On THEIR eternity.