At 19 I made a decision. The decision was this: Either we get married or we break up. The decision was in reference to my high school boyfriend, who, since high school, had broken my heart, started using drugs, and was very co-dependent & possessive. However, I loved him. I loved him with all my heart and would have done anything had I thought we could make it!
But, I faced the reality that this was no longer high school and I could either stick by him, hope he overcame his problems, and eventually become his wife.... or... I could break it off. To this day, breaking his heart is still one of the hardest things I have ever done!
I was not where I should have been with Christ at this point in my life. I had run pretty far away from him, as a matter of fact. But, he was still there in my heart and, in my heart, I knew this was what I had to do. I won't go in to all the details, but I have never forgotten the words my broken hearted high school sweetheart said to me, through his tears: "No one will ever love you like I do." For a very long time, I bought in to that. I truly believed at ages 16-19, I had experienced the greatest love of my life and everything else would pale in comparison. I felt I was doomed to settle for the next best thing.
Fast forward to few years, and a divorce later, and I attended a bible study that would change my life forever! I finally learned an amazing truth. That void that I had been trying to fill with romantic love between myself and a man, was never meant to be filled by a man! The intense desire we feel to be connected with someone on a deep, spiritual level is a desire God created in us FOR HIM. It was like bells going off in my mind!! Helllloooo! Why did he create us? Because he wanted companionship. Because he loves us and wants to be near us. He desires an intimate relationship with us. And, I believe he created a special type of yearning in us women!
To date, this is the biggest revelation of my spiritual life! Once I realized that God could fulfill my every need and I could be sublimely whole and happy without a romantic relationship, I felt so free and full of joy. And, I believe God waited until after I learned this and put it in to practice in my life to put my husband in my path. He is an amazing man, and there is no doubt in my mind that God created & molded him specifically for me. Because God adores me and wants me to be blissfully happy!!
Falling In Love With Jesus, authors Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli
http://www.amazon.com/Falling-Abandoning-Yourself-Greatest-Romance/dp/0849943345/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1263574662&sr=1-1
(This is a copy of my blog on my Heart Guardians website)
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