Twirl (A VERY rough draft)

You were laying in the grass,

warm golden sun on your face.

Pig tails, innocence and lace.

A sweet breeze stirred your soul.

You got up and twirled about.

You don't remember; it was long ago.

But, He remembers everything,

though you thought you were alone.

He watched you dance, heard you sing,

He delighted in your silly song.

And when you were done, 

He cradled you with the warm spring sun.

and sent the wind to whisper you to sleep.

What hurts you must have

to give it all up for a man.

Who made you feel unworthy of

the very best kinds of love?

Oh, it hurts so much to watch you

passing your painful torch to

the ones who are looking for Him now.

Who made you feel less than?

Who hurt that little girl?

This was not your father's plan.

He wants to see you twirl.

Oh, He loved to watch you twirl.

You've been in love before;

It's fleeting - you try to hang on.

Try to keep that man's heart beating.

You are sure he's the one.

You'll give all your gifts away,

if only for a moment.

And, in the end they just feel stolen.

Only God will hold you

the way you really need.

Only God will send you

the love of your dreams.

Only God will be there

when the world turns away.

And only God remembers

Every single thing.

What hurts you must have

to give it all up for a man.

Who made you feel unworthy of

the very best kinds of love?

Oh, it hurts so much to watch you

passing your painful torch to

the ones who are looking for Him now.

Who made you feel less than?

Who hurt that little girl?

This was not your father's plan.

He wants to see you twirl.

Oh, He loved to watch you twirl

Don't you see her watching you?

Trying to decide who to be.

When was the last time she twirled in the grass?

Does she know she's lovely?

He loves to watch her twirl.

He never wanted you to stop.

Take his hands and twirl.

Don't ever let her stop.

Diets and Dog Poo - Flu and the frozen puppy

I have had the flu.  I haven't felt very well for the past two weeks.  So, I've just eaten whatever and I sure haven't worked out. Not to mention that the tons of snow we've gotten has just been a little depressing!  Something about being snowed in the house just makes me want to wear pajamas all day, sit on the couch with a blanket, and eat everything in sight!  Am I the only one??
My routine is all off.  The kids have been out of school for a week and a half.  I haven't really had any of my daycare kids for that long as well.  Also, I spent a few days in a cold medicine stupor.  I am such a creature of habit.  If my routine gets off kilter, everything else does, too.  So, no healthy eating and exercise lately!  :-(  Hopefully it didn't put me too far behind my goal.  I will start back Monday with gusto!
And, then there is poor Ruth.  The temperatures have been well below 0 F the past couple of nights.  The silly dog refuses to go bed down in the barn on the open part of my brother-in-law's shop.  Oh, I forgot to mention that she has also figured out how to break out of her outdoor kennel that has a closed in area to protect from wind and cold.  I covered a laundry basket in a trash bag and put it up against the grill with a cardboard box around it and a blanket draped over to try to give her a place to lay that would be protected from the cold, but I worried about her so much!  This morning she seemed fine.  She was laying sprawled out on a patch of dry concrete, sunbathing.  I've been considering trying her indoors again.  Am I crazy???  I need a big, giant dog crate....

My spirtual project this year...

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

 I'm seeing a theme in my life.  It seems to go by years, for the most part.  God gives me a part of myself to work on and he throws little projects my way.  Last year was very much about learning humility, letting go of pride and forgiveness.

I'm pretty sure the above verse is what this year is all about.  I'd like to give a big shout out to one Joyce Meyer  for bringing the verse to my attention.  I love her, but man does she call me out sometimes via that TV broadcast in the mornings!

So, this will apply more to the ladies, but how many of you out there have that 1 or 2 people who you consider your "safe" people to talk to.  You know, you get highly irritated with someone, so you pick up the phone and call your BFF or your mom or your sister, maybe even your husband, and "vent."  After all, that doesn't count as gossip, right?  You know it won't go any further than that person, so it's safe to "vent."  And, by vent, I mean GRIPE and JUDGE and TALK BAD ABOUT BEHIND SOMEONE'S BACK.  I mean, sure, it may very well stop with that person, but does that make it ok? And, heck!  Sometimes we get so upset we don't care if the person we are talking to is "safe" or not!  We'll rant and rave to whoever is within ear shot... and then regret it later.

I'm not going to lie to you, I do it!  Sometimes it feels like I just HAVE to get something off my chest!  Someone is taking advantage of me, someone is doing things differently from how I think they should be done, someone hurt my feelings, or someone said something out of line to me.  All this is by MY standards.  But, honestly, how many times do we say a prayer for those people?  How many times do we stop and talk to God about the situation instead of grabbing the phone and sending a catty text to our "safe" person?  Because: A. That text isn't helping ANYONE.  and B. You gotta' be careful with those texts!  Sometimes they go to the wrong people!!!

I'm thinking that instead of judging someone for doing something differently than I think they should, I should see them through God's eyes!  I should realize that God loves this person immensely,  and he wants me to do the same.  I should do what I can to "cover" that person's sins.  I should help make up for their shortcomings where I can and realize that MY idea of a shortcoming is not everyone else's definition of the same.  When someone does something to really hurt me, I should talk to God first.  I should pray FOR that person that God might heal whatever is broken in them that made them act that way.

There's a fine line between being a good Christian and getting totally taken advantage of.  I think there have to be times when we stand up for ourselves and when we are open with people about how they are making us feel or if they are hurting us.  But, I think that we should really seek the Holy Spirit's guidance in how to handle those situations before we act on our impulses.  There's a humble way to approach someone and then there's anger, yelling and fits of rage that don't do ANY good!

Because, after all, the definition of gentle was once explained to me as this: Strength under control.  I have a ways to go, but I really am working on being less judgmental, thinking and praying before I react to others, and trying harder to help "cover" the sins of my sisters and brothers.  Because, God knows I have some things in me that I'd appreciate being covered instead of exposed!

Independent Woman

We are snowed in here with some of the deepest snow I've seen in a while!  My husband has been sick with what seems to be a sinus infection, so yesterday I got the job of tending to the fire in our wood stove.  Right before bed last night my daughter came up to me and said, "Mom, how do you know how to do that?"  I told her I was in Girls Scouts and that I'd just been raised with a fireplace.  She seemed in awe of the way I was moving the logs around to stir up the coals and make sure there was room for air to flow up and ignite the fresh logs.  She surprised me when my ten year old said: "Mom, you're an independent woman, huh?"  She said it with pride.  It kind of took me by surprise because I wouldn't use "independent" as one of the main adjectives to describe myself.  I said, "Well.  I guess so, Sis.  That's just how my mom raised me.  She always told me there might not always be a man around so you have to be able to take care of yourself."  I told her the story of how my mom made my dad show me how to change a tire before I was allowed to drive.  I used to tease my mom by saying, "Aww, mom.  I can always find a man to do it for me."  She HATED that! Haha.  I have never seen myself as independent as my mom.  I've seen her roof a house, hang drywall, make dinner and sew clothes.  Part of me didn't want to be like that.  Part of me wanted to be the "little woman" and have a man take care of me.  But, last night as I saw myself through the eyes of my daughter, I realized I was proud that she saw me in that light.  She's seen me wait on my husband, make his plates, fold the family's clothes, etc.  But, she also knows that I can build a fire, change a tire and check my own oil.  She is seeing that I am a woman, I am feminine and delicate, but I can also take care of myself if need be and that I will stand my ground when I believe in something.  She's seen me let things slide off my back, but she's seen me believe in things enough to go to bat - she's seen me do it for her.  So, that makes me just a little bit proud of the example I'm showing her.  And, it also made me more aware of the fact that she is ALWAYS watching me!

Letting the Lbs go! - The before picture!!!

This is a picture of me at my 30th birthday outing.  UUUUuugh.  It pains me to look at this because this is not how I see myself in my own mind.  But.  At my 31st birthday there will be a new picture and I'll be over half way to where I want to be! Anybody want to join me??

Diets and Dog Poo - Not much poo these days!

Ruth got kicked back outside... twice.  Now it's for good.  When I woke up at 4 am to the smell of a big steamy pile of dog poo and and overturned trash can, she lost all indoor privileges.  Also, my youngest child is now completely out of diapers!  I'm talking stays dry all night!  Hallelujah!  Don't think this is the end of my journey with poo, though.  Hello.  I have a home daycare.  I imagine there will be plenty more diapers and house breaking in my future!  And, I don't care what anyone says, I think housebreaking a toddler is, by far, easier than a canine!
So, now my blog threads will just consist of the diet.  I am using a website called Spark People that tracks your calories in and out and a lot of other diet/health/nutrition info!  My goal is to lose 37 of the 57 lbs I need to lose by my birthday in May!  So... for anyone interested, you can follow my success!  I won't be posting my actual weight, but I will be posting my lbs lost.
And... dun, dun, duuuuun.... Before and after pictures!  OUCH.

Speaking of poo!

My youngest is now fully potty trained!!  Yay for me!  And, of course, here's a link to a video of her pooping in the potty.  She'll kill me someday for this, but it's SO hilarious!!
More Poo Poo