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Saturday, August 5, 2017

The other half of addiction

I woke up this morning from a very vivid dream that hurt my heart. I was immediately reminded of a poem I wrote close to 20 years ago now. I'm always hesitant to share my poetry, but I feel compelled to share this because it depicts the raw emotions that come with watching someone you love struggle with addiction.  It isn't something that just affects that person; it is almost equally as destructive to the people who love them. And, if you are in that place now, I encourage you to get support with you own struggles. There is help out there - no one has to go through this alone. -->

Oh, your aching heart
So very close to mine,
And this sickening poison
Running through your mind.
You try so very hard
To make it go away.
You push away the right things,
The ones who bid you stay.
You cling to demons
While angels cry for you,
Pushing away the pain
While reeling it in times two.
And I have been right here
Loving you all the while,
Holding on to your dreams,
And remembering your smile.
I've cried out to God for you -
For all the times you wouldn't.
I've stayed calm and sane
Most of the times you couldn't.
How could it not destroy me
To watch you fall apart?
You are in my soul
And you hold half my heart.
I'll be that consistency
In the corner of your mind.
I'll be here loving you
When there's nothing better you can find...
-Christin Knowles, 1998

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